It’s weird to think that just last summer, I was trying to get over a guy in my life and told him a couple months in of trying to get over him that “I loved him”
It’s weird how time has gone by so fast. That’s it been a full year. At least it’s been a full year since we’ve met and a full year since the tragic day he came over and gave me the bad news. That his ex has moved into town from across the state to be closer to him and has gotten back with her(since moving was the reason of the breakup solely.)Leaving our 3 month friends with benefit relationship in the dust(it was a serious relationship tho, we did care a lot for eachother; just bad circumstances).
but its been a year. A FULL YEAR. It’s crazy to think about.
but within the last few months I’ve been able to get over him and really see things in perspective.
The perspective of all that happened is the same. but my clarity on how I felt and why I thought I felt is what came apparent.
I felt the strong ping of love shortly before he ended it with me. where I was starting to think “I may love this guy, and I mean a general legit love.”
which was funny coz only two weeks prior I was getting this feeling that he stopped liking me and it was gonna end soon; coz thats what I’m used to. I was getting ready for the worst. Which was typical for me with every guy I’ve liked.It usually happened around that time.
But it didn’t. So I started to relax and enjoy our time together realizing it didn’t end like I was expecting it to. He didn’t get bored of me and move on to another girl like every other guy has done. From there is when I started truly opening up my feelings and let myself like someone with all I could.
Now, I’m sure you’ve all seen Frozen. If not, you really should go see it, its a great movie.
You know Anna right? The red-heading princess with the braids? I’m a lot like her I realized. Coz the more I watched it, I realized that I am exactly like her.
She never got to know any guys being locked up in the castle most her life away from society so when this amazingly cute guy comes around and shares a special something with her, she immedietly falls in love and gets engaged the day they met. Because she believes its true love. with the first guy that gave her the time of day.
THAT’s me. And I realized that, that’s what I did with my prince(And I call him prince for a reason; he literally looks like the real life version of Prince Eric from the little mermaid).
My prince was the first guy to actually even CONSIDER making me his girlfriend that I really had a connection with. I mean, I’ve had one or two boyfriends but one was in 7th grade(like ‘common, that hardly counts in adult life) and one other but he was kinda just the guy I enjoyed being with and was more of the “FINALLY a boyfriend after my 7th grade bf 7 years ago” guy. and there was never a spark between us. My prince was the first guy in my life that I had a huge spark with, was super attractive to me AND thought of me in the same way and even considered me as a potential girlfriend. So like anna, I fell in love.
maybe it really was love, maybe it wasnt but it was the closest thing to it that I’ve ever felt.
But I look back on those feelings and I cant denied that it felt like love. But was it really? I mean it took almost a year to get over him. and the thing was, I’ve only known him for 3 months; I dont even know all that much about him. I know a lot, but than again, not enough. Not everything. Not even close. It may as well been one day conversation like Anna!
And I’m sure Anna now looks back at Hanns and thinks “yea, that wasnt even close to love, that was me falling hard for the first guy that came around.” And that’s what I’m kinda feeling. Although, she has kristoff now and knows what true love is and I dont have anyone and have not felt true love like she is, I still believe it probably wasnt real love. I mean, maybe it was. maybe it was at least a small form of love.
But all I know is that I only fell for him coz he was the first serious guy in my life. I didn’t love him for any other reason. I mostly fell in love with the idea of being in love. In being in a serious relationship with a guy. And that’s not love. Not the love I want.
And I really wish I could tell him my self discovery. Coz in the process of telling him “I loved him” I clearly scared him away and even without me telling him that, I lost a good friend in my life and I’m still constantly trying to change that. and I wish I could ease his mind on it and allow me back in his life. I am fully over him in any loving way, but I am not over the fact that I lost a good friend. And I don’t have many of those so it hurts a lot.
There are many ways me and Anna are so alike tho, but that’s a different subject.lol.
But just to compare Hanns and my Prince. My prince didn.t have bad intensions. The only comparison to them is their timing and that they are both cute. Otherwise, no where near similar haha. Just thought I’d add that :P